Sunday, April 09, 2006

A lot of catching Up

I've been working a lot lately, and haven't been as recent to all this as I'd like. But this morning before class I heard the news about Iran and all the madness brewing, and I thought about hopw long it had been since I got just chat on the phone with a good friend for hours opn end, and spent an afternoon worrying and doing nothing and I remembered something I wrote some time ago - and figured it bared repeating. As, well, it's still how I feel today. Crushingly.

This is what I want - 02.21.03

I want to spin and spin in a crowded room, surrounded by friends. I want the music to be so loud we can't talk, but have to communicate with smiles and winks and absurd hand gestures.

I want my hair to fall in my face and have it brushed aside by his hand as he pulls me close as the music slows. I want to be able to lean into him and not have to worry about standing on my own. I want all my worries to be centered around where he'll put his hands when we dance, and where we'll go when they turn the lights back on.

I want all my friends in one place, safe and happy - filled with music and laughter.

I want our voices to be hoarse from yelling and our heads heavy from drink and adventure.

I want for my worries to be all about how we'll all manage to do this again in a few weeks. I want my future plans to only be concerned with thoughts of more music and close friends.

And where they sell good greasy food at four in the morning.

I want to sneak a cigarette at the bar as everyone else goes to check out the next floor of the club. I want bum a light and whisper conspiratorially as we hide in the corner, smoke coming out of our mouths and gin sloshing in our glasses.

I want to know once again, what it is to laugh until I cry. What it feels like when my cheeks are sore from smiling.

I don't want to know who our allies are. What country we plan on stomping through on our way to wage war. I want to stop counting those I know who are no longer here, but elsewhere in a sandy and strange desert. I don't want to turn the radio on in the morning wondering what the news will bring. I am tired of hearing the arguments and the rationalizations and reasons. I'm tired of the bright lights and complex systems.

I want to keep my loved ones close, in the darkness. I want us to dance until we can no longer stand, hold each other close and walk home. To a home that's safe, and right , and just.

I want midnight burritos and shots of tequila. I don't want these adult concerns and responsibilities.

I want peace.

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