Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Sleeping Beauty

She's asleep behind me on the couch. We played hard tonight - I gave her a bath by myself for only the second time in her short life, if you can believe it. Then we played the game where we both laugh and whomever gets too tired to keep giggling first loses. . .

And now, she lies prone - limbs stretched to the four winds - behind me. She takes up the whole couch now, no room for me to curl behind. But that's okay. I like sitting here, watching her sleep. Wondering what her dreams are made of; enjoying the small smiles that spread slowly across her face. She laughed just a few minutes ago. I'd give anything to know what was bringing her such dreamland joy.

Oh, my darling daring girl. I promise that to you - I promise you joy. I promise that no mater what comes for us in the years ahead, we will live joyfully. What we gain, what we lose - it shall not matter. There will always be dance parties and laughing games and smiles in sleep.

I promise to build a world around you that is safe and peaceful - and above all, joyous.

Just like the world you've given me.

I miss this face...

...especially much today. I feel like lately we've turned this corner where she's shining through so brightly it's almost blinding. I feel awful missing even seconds of that - it's such a gift.

Monday, June 22, 2009

our lil straphanger

.... developed another mode of transportation today... FIRST STEPS!!

Dad-Dad's day

Yesterday was father's day. A first immediate celebration in our little household. I wanted desperately to make it special. You see, watching Sam over thee last months has, in many ways, shown me exactly what being a good parent is.

He is patient and kind of course. But he is funny and goofy and utterly himself. Often, looking at him and Samaire together - it seems as if this whole parenthood thing was just God giving him a new best friend.

They are compadres, those two and have been from the very start. As ornery and stubborn as each other. As hilarious and ridiculous.

I see so much of him in her. Way past just her eyes and her coloring. She laughs like him. She's got a million looks that all say she's about to do something you probably won't like but she's doing it anyway - just like him. :)

I don't know how to explain to you what an amazingly wonderful father he is. I could tell you about how he stayed up Maire's first night - all night - so I could sleep and because she didn't want to - just talking and singing and dancing with her. Welcoming her to the world, to our lives.

I could tell you I didn't' change a diaper until she was 16 days old.

Or that I've felt this immediate and terrible need to never let her out of my sight since she was born - and how he's not only been patient with me about that, but protected it fiercely.

How he's watched tense games in absolute silence so she would sleep just ten-more-minutes. . . or how he now knows the words to so many Sesame Street songs it's insane. (And he does a killer impression of Ernie's laugh.)

But I think the number one thing is, see, she feels safe with him. When she's scared or tired or in a weird place - her Daddy's arms are where she wants to be. The world coudl be falling apart around her and she would be absolutely content - as long as her Daddy was right there with her.

You can see in her face when she looks for him (first thing every morning) or how her hands reach up to him (every second she has that she has space to walk) how much she loves him.

It glows. It surrounds her. He's her very best friend - and I couldn't be happier or more excited about that.

My Love, you are such a kick ass, awesome, fantastic father. You make me a better mama every day. You've taught me to roll with the punches, to be slightly less neurotic (we can only expect so much :) ) - but most of all you've taught me to trust myself. To trust us and our little family.

I hope you had a wonderful father's day. You deserve the best. Maire and I are blessed the world over to have you. I hope every day you feel how much we love you and how absolutely grateful we are for all you do for us every single day. You deserve a month of Father's days. Years.

I can't wait for all that's to follow.

We love you, Dad-Dad. More than words will ever be able to say.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Friday, June 19, 2009

Central Park Cures All

no more eye gunkies

After a horrid morning, she's finally getting some rest. She's was strapped down and had a metal poker & a syringe put in both eyes. She was brave and strong. And, now, finally, she's getting some much needed sleep. Oh, how I love my darling, daring girl.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I dare you

to find a better way to spend a glorious summer afternoon then hanging out with brilliant friends in Central Park..... ..... hoola-hooping.

Man, is this kid lucky.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Oh, my small love. Words fail me today.

You are, officially ten months old as of less than 24 hours ago, and I sit here - in an old brick building at the tottering south edge of Manhattan dreaming of your fat, clutching fingers and giant 'yelps' of joy.

You, when not in my arms directly, are too far away.

I have a lot to commemorate this month, though your daddy did most of that yesterday here. Most notably, the fact you have learned to make a piggy face and snort - which brings you and I to tears of laughter every time and is now one of my absolute greatest joys.

But today - sitting here at this desk - all I can think is how I've changed in the last ten months. You aren't the only one learning new things every day, exploring a world previous unknown to you. You have been gracious enough to bring me with you. And in that journey, I have irrevocably changed. My very DNA must be different now, it all feels so foreign and new.

Above all, perhaps, you have made this quote truly relevant to me:

"We can do no great things, only small things with great love.”

I may never lead a march on Washington, or stand still and proud as tanks bare down. I mightn't ever have a show in a gallery, or write a book.

But I make you smile. I peel your nummers-grapes and jump with you on the bed. I laugh endlessly with you, and snuggle you when you make scared sounds in your sleep.

I love you in a million tiny ways. And that is the greatest, most profound thing I have ever done. And may ever do.

I love you, funny bunny.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Happy Birthday Sweets!

I'm sure your mom will be writing one of her brilliant posts to you tomorrow, but just so it's time stamped, know that your mother and I wish you a SUPER HAPPY TEN MONTH BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Double freak'n digits... wow, time flies.

A few highlights of month 10:
- Flights 11, 12, 13 and 14. Um yeah, you travel... WELL. We're complimented constantly about how well you fly. You have it down now and love to flirt and play with every passenger who will smile at you. Traveling is in your genes and you love it.

- New Mexico! You watched Uncle Joe try to eat 50 nugs. You cheered him on. You love him so. You also got to hang with Aunt Jamie (top 10 fav person) and Uncle Ry (he's up there too) and one of your new favs, Cap'n Morgan. You're very sweet on him. Got to see Timmy B and Steph get hitched and you road tripped to Santa Fe like a champ, being only slightly annoyed by getting rear ended.

- You finally learned to crawl in the last week. But you still would rather walk with assistance or grabbing onto furniture, or anything you think will hold you. You can also sit up now and you're a rolling machine, which makes changing time ever so interesting.

- You enjoy eating big girl food but you LOVE feeding yourself. We went to Peter Lugars (NYC's top steak joint) this past weekend with Uncle Trav and you had a blast eviscerating a roll and eating your taters and chicken. You also love smoked Gouda.

- You are getting your first tooth!!! Bottom right front tooth has broken through the gums, but it's been two weeks and it's not 100% out. Your teeth really are lazy.

So yeah, it's been a huge month for you. You're babbling on and on, moving, eating, getting new body parts, it's fun times. You're insanely sweet, crazy determined, sassy and mischievous and a thinker. You figure things out like Sherlock Holmes, studying everyone and everything you come across. We love you tons and I can't wait to see what month 11 brings. Smooches my sweets.


Monday, June 01, 2009


We played uber hard this morning... It was awesome.