Monday, October 24, 2005

I'm Off!

I'm off to go get hitched. I'll see you when I get back, when I'm a *Mrs*!!

Friday, October 21, 2005


So it's close, and with the closeness, comes the chaos, I guess. Normal people seem to have totally lost their minds, and a great deal of them seem to have just plain forgotten thsi weddign is about SAM and I. Ha. Which sounds so selfish. But I have come to the realization recently that I won't pu tup with other people's madness. I have enough of my own. And this IS abotu Sam and I. It's about us getting married, not the party or the dresses or who feel swhat abotu whom. We've invited these people, these people we love dearly, to share in that. And becasue of that I feel the right to be a little selfish. A little self-serving. Not bridezilla, but in a "this is our wedding, and this is the way it will be because we want it that way." What's funny, is I've spend a good portion of the past year trying everything in my power to make everyone else happy - assure they are involved, feeling loved and included. I guess now I'm just drawing the line and saying, "now it's our turn."

My friend Joyce says weddings and funerals bring out the crazy in people. And as each day inches past, I'm begining to become more and more sure she's right.

Friday, October 14, 2005


I'm so tired. And I cannot remember the last time I had a whole day where I felt well. It seems every morning I struggle, and every night I collapse.

I should buy stock in pharmacuetical companies.

All I want is to feel good on our wedding day. Not pretend to feel good, which I've gotten so professional at I sometimes can even convince myself, but *actually* feel good. I'm tired. Tired of feeling not well, tired of pretending otherwise. Tired of never having time to just stop.

And now, I must stop one thing. No more whining.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

We're SO stylish

Who knew sam and i were so trendy?

Thursday, October 06, 2005

A letter to Jamie

This is what I'm imagining - I'm imagining standing in kind of chilly autumn air, behind a big yellow school bus listening to Ryan play whatever beautiful music before the ceremony - trying to be quiet and joking about which one of us may very well trip on our way down the hill. I imagine fixing little Sarah's wings, and trying to pick out your jack in the field. I imagine lots of fire (ha!) and smiling and laughing. I imagine walking down the leaf-strewn, latern-lit aisle with my dad; you and Sarah and Jan and Carrie and Scott and everyone I love most standing there, next to Sam. Waiting right there at the end.

I picture posing (ever so briefly) for photos beforehand, laughing and joking and having a blast - and perhaps driving whomever's job it is to corral us crazy. I imagine looking at those pictures someday, all of you dressed as beautiful and unique as you are and counting myself blessed that these women are in my life.

And yes, the designer in me DOES have visions - but they're simple really. Orange pumpkins and flames. A brilliant sunset; a crowd of flickering candles on the ground and swashes of stars in the sky during our vows. You and the bridesmaids in beautiful black dresses with brilliant, *wild* bouquets. Me in a white (and I still am getting used to this part) long beautiful dress, hair in a ponytail with a large orange lily . . .even a veil, but a short sassy one. A bouquet like yours, but white with feathers and berries sticking out all crazy-like.

But all the visuals? They center around one thing - looking over at you in one off-moment and having both of us smile - the kind of smile that comes when you want to wrap up the moment in the most precious silk and keep it uncreased and clear forever. The kind of smile that says I feel beautiful, this is beautiful - I'm so glad we're all here, together.

That's the most important part of my vision.

That and the hundreds of pumpkins.