Friday, October 13, 2006

Nothing Exciting

I realize lately I haven't said much, written much - and what I have, has been obtuse and not so positive. And I'm sorry for that. I guess I feel like I should have fun happy things to share with you all the time, but right now it's not where I am and writing otherwise would be a lie. Something I'm not very good at.

Regardless, I am doing all right. There are lots and lots of things in my life that are wonderful; there are so many things to be grateful for, as I told Sam the other day when I was especially sad. It's just that right now, lately, there have been some big things that I'm sad about, too. Work has been overwhelmingly frustrating, and I have gone through another round of feeling sick and hurt-ey for days/weeks on end. I've been doing a lot of self-evaluaton, figuring out what I want in my life, who I want in my life - how to live my best life. And while that's exciting, it is often painful and worrisome. Change is hard, even when you know it will lead to good things.

As Sam pointed out to me the other night, I'm good at taking great leaps and landing on my feet. I've done it numerous times without failure. I'm trying to have confidence in that. I'm figuring out what I want to leap toward now. I'm just trying to go with the flow, letting myself feel how I feel, figuring it out as I go.

Things will get better. In fact, they're not bad. And, really how could they not? I mean, I'll be in Orlando this wekend and a week from today - Hawaii.

Maybe all I need is some sun, fresh air, and time with my husband and best friends. I'm sure that's it.

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