Yes, we're still waiting. I figure she'll get here when she gets here. I just want to make sure we can still go to the birth center (if she's too late they insist we go to the hospital), but we still have some time for that - so waiting it is.
People are already messing up the pronunciation of her name, dear small babe. I keep correcting them as best I can before she gets here.
Most people are saying it clsoer to how it's spelled - making the last part like a long "a." I know it seems silly to be so picky about it - but it's important to me. That she be called exactly as we name her. She'll have nicknames for sure - but her name, well, Sam and I put a lot of time of making it just right. So now I'm becoming one of those moms. And she's not even here. Ha. God help us all.
Nonetheless the not getting her name right drives me crazy - so don't get your feelings hurt if I call you on it next we speak. :)
Yesterday I got up super early and went to Bryant Park to see the cast of Rent perform for Good Morning America. It was actually really fun once I got over the wanting desperately to still be in bed part. I hadn't actually listened to the soundtrack in quite sometime, and standing there in the park listening to them sing "Seasons of Love" brought tears to my eyes.
I had forgotten how much that musical meant (means) to me. I remember listening to it in high school - seeing the cast on the cover of Newsweek. Dancing around in my apartment in Florida, singing to it with my friend Karen at the top of our lungs.
Dreaming of living in New York someday. Doing it right. Being an artist.
It seemed as possible at the time as actually being in the show. Not at all. It was just dreaming to me then. But twisted up in those lyrics, in those songs was that feeling of community, of chosen-family, of somehow going after what you want when it isn't always the easiest road - and that spoke (speaks) to me on a level I've never been able to explain.
Standing there in the park yesterday morning, in the early morning sun - well, it occurred to me that it's not just dreaming anymore. That all these years later here I am, living in New York - living the life I had hoped for, dreamt about, all those years past. Sure, there's stuff I still want to do, to accomplish, to be here ...
But I'm here. I'm an artist. I have a chosen family I love with the ferocity as if they were blood. Friends that are following their dreams to - rock stars and chefs, artists and designers, musicians and writers. People starting families, living global lives of adventure, people struggling to get by and still reveling in it all.
All of us, in fact, reveling. With only more beauty and wonder and fun and adventure ahead of us.
Someday, when Samaire is older I hope she has this too. This moment of revelation. This moment of clarity -
when she realizes it's not about making her dreams come true anymore, it's just about enjoying living them.
6 years ago