Grateful

I feel, often, that I can never be grateful enough. I'm awful at saying thank you's, writing them, giving them. I never feel they sound sincere enough, gracious enough. I stumble on the words, I pause and repeat myself.

Not because I'm not overhwelmingly grateful, but because I feel so unworthy. So undeserving of the love and generosity and wonder of those that surround me. Words cannot describe, cannot tell how blessed I feel that they have noticed, that they have seen, that they have taken interest . . . in me.

But 'tis the season, and I want to write a huge thank you note to the world, because after this spectacular year, it would be remiss not to.

Thank you. Thank you for giving me my family and my friends. A husband who never tires of me, and of whom I never tire. For letting me be so lucky as to fall in love and marry my best friend; to share a life with him, in an amazing, fabulous, ridiculously awesome city. Thank you for giving us a warm, cozy and lovely apartment to make home, and an even more lovely garden to grow outside. For our jobs, mine especially, which has provided me with some of our very best friends; that challenges me creatively every single day and pushes the limits of what I'm capable of in an environment where I'm not afraid to fail.

Thank you for the friends who come quickly with jokes and stories and small ones' messages on my voicemail whenever I falter. Who love me for me, and do nothing but encourage me to try an' figure out where to go, who to become next. Without agenda.

Thank you for the doorman who wishes me good morning as I pass every day, the security guard who asks how I am. For Jose, our maintenance man, who wishes me a lovely day (or I imagine that's what he says) in Spanish when I leave for work, from our front stoop.

Thank you for beautifully illustrated children's books, dense, intriguing fiction books and iTunes. For fluffy pillows and kittens to cuddle with. For holiday music and wreaths and ornaments and ribbons and bows and the smell of fresh-cut pine from the bodegas on the corner.

Thank you for Christmas movies and a husband who lets me watch them tirelessly without complaint.

Thank you for cherry coke, chocolate cupcakes, koala yummies and paninis.

Thank you for good friends, poker nights, and long rides home on the train with his arm around me late at night. For kisses in the morning and again and again and again throughout the day.

For trips to Kansas, Florida, Ireland and Hawaii. For a new home in Hawaii. For all the trips we've yet to take.

For this life. For the hard times that make the good ones all the sweeter. For the laughter that cuts the tears, and the joy that is ever-present. For all of it. All of this.

Thank you. For each and every moment, each and every breath - I am grateful. Grateful.

Truly grateful.