Thursday, March 05, 2009


She's eating dinner now, of course - apples, pears, bananas - so I know I'm on borrowed time. She's easily distracted now, eager to get going - not so eager all the time to lay down, snuggle and eat. I'm going to miss our special time together when she's done with it. It's been one of my favorite things about this whole new mom thing. I truly love doing it. Feeding her. I love that it's something only I can give her, time only she and I have. A way for me to show her how very much I love her, want to care for her. I love holding her so close.

I love the look on her face when I lay her down in my arms to eat ... big eyes, open mouthed smile, excited breathing with her arms stretching toward me. I love how she sighs contentedly after a few swallows. How she looks up at me with wide, adoring eyes. How she sometimes talks a little long monologue without ever missing a swallow. How she pats my chest with her little free hand, or reaches up to touch my cheek. How when she is really hungry she makes little chirps and slurping sounds. How she takes a break to smile at me right before nuzzling back in.

I love the sound of her tiny contented sighs right at the moment she's done eating and lays her head back to sleep.

I love it all. There was (and still is) a lot I wanted to give her. This, however, was very near the top. I was determined to make it work, no matter how hard or inconvenient it might turn out to be. I wanted it for her so badly. What I didn't realize was how very much it would give me.

And now that I can see the slow tapering, I feel that special ache I'm getting so used to now. That sadness that she is not going to be my little, tiny baby much longer - and the sheer excitement of watching her grow into being my daring, darling girl.

1 comment:

Brandi said...

This is something I am dreading the end of, too. Like you, I was dead determined to make it work and it did — like a charm.