at last

So this morning, mustering all my i'm-such-a-baby-courage I went to talk to my specialist about my recent CT scans. Sam had to stay at work becasue we're leaving early this afternoon to go home to

GET OUR MARRIAGE LICENSE (but that's another entry)

So I was on my own. As I have had numerous, count them, NUMEROUS medical tests all on my lonesome these last few years - suddenly now that there is someone who is practically obligated to hold my hand and be all logical and calm on my behalf . . . I have become nothing short of a raving lunatic. I'm am apparently no longer equipped to handle medical emergencies. This I have proven. I have spent the last couple weeks bursting into tears over NOTHING. Nothing, people. Me, sobbing at my desk at work, crying uncontrollably on the couch at home. I follow no social norms anymore. I am apparently a fragile delicate emotional woman who cannot remain calm under any circumstances anymore.

Though I will say that after two weeks of playing the WHAT THE HELL IS GROWING IN MY HEAD, near my *eyes* and BRAIN no less, I'd like to think my recent behavior is somewhat acceptable, or at the least, excusable.

So, I go to see the specialist. He's the best in the city and what's more, totally cool. And very very very tolerant of my child-like phobias. He sticks stuff up my nose, takes a sonogram of my ears, reviews my blood tests and scans - and, are you ready? This 50 year old Indian man HUGS me and says "It's not a tumor." Ha! A joke! So clever! It's the same joke I've been telling! Then he laughs a little and says, well, technially it is. But nothing scary. Whatever, I think. The scary was what I was worried about. But even more importantly, after lots of medical explanation and jib jibe, and some FREE DRUGS he tells me he doesn't think I need surgery.

Let me say that again.

No Surgery.

DEAR LORD, THANK YOU. So, if I get this madness again, surgery. But for now, nothing. Some medicine, some taking care of myself, some being careful when I fly. But no cutting me open and digging around. Which is I really wanted. I can deal with being able to fly now, just not the whole opening somehow of my head and scraping off of my sinuses.

So I'm headed home today. To Kansas. All in one piece and very very happy about it.