I'd Rather be Sailing

I used to be obsessed slightly with this song. Poor Matt and Karen probably heard it much more often than they'd like when living with me . . . Yes, insert here now sympathy for them and the great amount of patience they must have had to conjour whilst that was taking place (the living with me, not the song).

But I have to say - there's something about the sea that brings me home in a way little else does. It's so healing to me, the wind and the sun.

It's no secret I've been having a hard time of it lately. All over things I really can't talk about it here for myriads of reasons. Things I can't control, but need to let go of. Things that keep me up at night. And, ha, just typing this out brings tears to my eyes - I spend all day at work pretending nothing's wrng and then find myself all the more vulnerable when I arrive home, tired from performaing all day. Tired of pretending.

And so I sit here, tonight, alone while Sam works late. Singing along that I'd rather be sailing, and meaning every second of it.

I miss my friends. The old ones. The ones that know me, that need no explanation - nor expect one. I miss being able to speak to someone about nothing and yet hear a history in every word. I miss not saying anything and yet havng books lye between us. I know old friends take work too. That often we leave each other behind, that we grow and change and that navigating that is as hard as anything.

But there is a comfort in old friends that I need right now. I wish I were closer. I wish they were.

I wish we could go sailing.

I'd rather be sailing, yes, I would
On an open sea
I'd stand at the railing if I could
Feeling wild and free

The sun is on my neck, the wind is in my face
The water's incredibly blue
And I'd rather be sailing
Yes, I'd wanna go sail
. . .
People are swell but I'd rather be sailing
Over the horizon

And I'd rather be sailing, yes, I would
On an open sea
I'd stand there inhaling if I could
Feeling wild and free

The sun is on my neck, the wind is in my face
The sea is incredibly blue
And I'd rather be sailing . . .

Of course, I have it pretty good. I know that. This smile is what keeps me losing it altogether most days - and that alone is a blessing. Not to mention, every time I look into Sam's eyes, I see the sea. Right there in my best friend. Which, really, makes everything manageable.